Expose: Pig’s Head tells all. “David & I were in love…”

Happier Days

“I only agreed to put it in my mouth because he told me he loved me”

‘Piggate’ emerged in September 2015, with the then Prime Minister David Cameron putting out a impassioned rebuttal, feverishly denying that, back in his student days, he’d ever placed his ‘private parts’ inside a pig’s mouth as part of an Oxford University initiation ceremony. But this week, we at VakeNews have learned another side to the story from the other key participant in the whole affair.

Wanting to protect Mr. Cameron and his family, she remained silent for all those years, privately dealing with the deep shame and guilt of being thrown into the public spotlight when the story first came to the surface. However, with Mr. Cameron no longer in high-profile public office, she now believes it is her duty to tell the truth about the man behind the Brexit disaster.

“I’m not sure what I’m most upset about to be honest” explained Pig’s Head, now 42, living with her stockbroker husband and two children in Saint Albans, “the fact that he denies it ever happened, or the fact that it was written off by some of his cronies as some sort of initiation ceremony. What they didn’t report upon is how we felt about each other. I only put it in my mouth because he told me he loved me.”

“We were inseparable.”

Pig’s Head went on to explain how they met each other. “He was a handsome foppishly-haired young fresher at Oxford Uni and I was working at the butchers in the Covered Market. He was window shopping and I was just hanging around. Our eyes met through the shop front window and there was immediate electricity between us. Probably something to do with the blue filament fly killer…”

“His friends accepted me at first, but after a while they started keeping their distance, almost as if I smelt or something. But David never minded. We were inseparable. We fell madly and deeply in love, and had even picked out names for our future kids. He said that I was the one for him. But it couldn’t last forever…”

Wiping a tear from one of her tiny little eyes she continued “It was quite obvious that his family didn’t approve of me. Whenever he took me back home, his parents insisted on him keeping me in the front porch. The class divide was enormous, so not knowing any better, I just accepted it. But I could hear every single conversation going on through the double glazing into the main building, how ‘it wasn’t right’ and how they wanted him to ‘get rid’ of me. Truth be told, the way they acted towards me… they were the ones that lacked class…”

“I knew I was losing him. He became increasingly distant and we stopped talking the way we had done. It was only when he used to get drunk with his friends that he really took any interest in me. And then came the fateful night. They were playing a drinking game and declared that he had to pay some kind of forfeit. His friends shouted that he had to stick his ‘thingy’ in my mouth and without a second’s hesitation – no consideration of how I might feel about the whole thing – he began pulling his zip down.”

“He didn’t ask me… But I didn’t say no either… It was an act of desperation on my part. I just wanted him to love me again. I wanted him to look at me in the way he had the first day we’d met. But the following morning he couldn’t even look at me. Without a word, he slung me out of the back door of his flat towards the bins. I never saw him again. That’s the kind of man this country voted in as Prime Minister.”

A wide smile spread across her face “I followed his progress for years. None of it was a surprise to me. Especially the way he put the country to the sword by promising a referendum on EU membership to save his party’s future from a UKIP attack; and then the cowardice he showed, resigning as soon as the vote didn’t go his way. Classic David. He’s well and truly placed his private parts in Britain’s mouth!”

Mr. Cameron was unavailable to comment on these allegations.

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