In a last gasp attempt to get his parliamentary colleagues and the broader British public on board with his plan to deliver a blatant no-deal Brexit, Mr Johnson has drafted in the help of his marketing team. He briefed them last week to see if they could do anything to improve his image, thereby tipping the balance of the current political deadlock in his favour. He specifically asked them whether it was possible to make him appear more ‘Churchillian’.
We understand that this week, however, the team of young creative types, who between them had never heard of Winston Churchill, produced the above artwork as part of their pitch. When questioned about this decision, the leader of the creative team, Simon Sponge-Finger, stated:
“When, like, Boris briefed us, like, it made complete and utter sense to us. Because you know, like, everyone out their loves Churchill the Dog, you know? We thought that if we could, like, transform Boris into this extremely silly yet cute and cuddly character, any MPs and members of the public that currently think he’s a wanker would, like, immediately be won over., you know?”
Simon’s colleague, Samantha Fuchs-Knightly added:
“Yeah, you know, like, but then, like, one of us, like, realised that Boris was already an extremely silly yet, like, cute and cuddly character, so the alarm bells did, like, ring a bit. But given the fact that he’s, like, a strategic genius, you know, we, like, assumed he knew what he was doing, so we. like, carried on with the project, you know?”
Mr Sponge-Finger went on to add:
“In fact, we took some initiative and, like, expanded the concept to, like, feature other silly yet cute and cuddly characters. You should see the story board we developed that have Boris & Jacob Rees-Mogg as Alexander & Sergei Meerkat. They, like, looks so cute, you know?”
We followed up with 10 Downing Street’s press office on this matter, who subsequently issued the following statement to all media companies:
“Mr. Johnson is extremely pleased with the work the marketing guys have done to make him appear more like Churchill. This is 100% to the brief and the Prime Minister was so pleased with the artwork that he spent half an hour last night starring into a mirror repeating the phrase ‘Oh Yars!’.”
