Oh God! I think I’m going to be sick!
Theresa May has today announced that, following her political career, which, to be perfectly honest, is likely to be over sooner rather than later, she intends to open up her very own dance school in Keighley.
When questioned about this decision by a group of extremely bewildered reporters, she winked at them, suggestively mouthing the words “the hips don’t lie”.
She went on to explain: “Politics has always been quite interesting, but it isn’t what I really wanted to do. My true passion has always dancing and I intend to dedicate every second of my life to that passion once my political days are over. To be completely honest, my passion for dancing has been a distraction on a daily basis. I’d even go as far as to suggest that dancing is the main reason why I screwed up Brexit so badly. What an utter knob I am!”
One of Mrs. May close political allies commented: “Well, you’ve got to admire her spirit, haven’t you? And there is absolutely no doubting what an absolutely amazing mover she is. When she starts moving around the dance floor at the annual party conference, I get an involuntary erection. The slightest shimmy from Theresa and within a few minutes, I find myself sliding into the bathroom to crack one off. What a complete minx she is…”
Mrs. May, who is widely understood to have not only invented but also taught Michael Jackson how to Moonwalk, may also consider branching out with a bit of glamour modelling and TV presenting.
We at Vake News would like to wish her all the very best of luck.