Trump reclassifies high-level nuclear waste to encourage NEW superheroes in the USA!

President Trump reportedly plans to reclassify high and low-level radioactive waste scattered around the U.S in order to make it easier for the general public to become superheroes! Go Trumpy, I’m all with ya!! 

The Department of Energy intends to relabel high-level radioactive waste left over from the production of nuclear weapons as safe and “Life Enhancing!”. Low level waste will be reclassified as “Sexy”! 

Currently, high-level radioactive waste is defined as that which is a byproduct of fuel reprocessing (where leftover fissionable material is separated from the waste…. blah blah blah scientific shit) or from nuclear reactors.

Low-level waste, on the other hand, represents around “a lot” of all such waste, according to the American Nuclear Society, and generally comes from facilities where radio….radio “ice” Etopes are used, such as nuclear power stations, and local hospitals. Items often include wipes, clothes, teddy bears, cotton buds  and plastic.

In the U.S., 90,000 metric tons of nuclear waste is being temporarily stored as successive administrations have grappled to find a long-term solution. 

Turning People into Super Heroes is a Solution!! 

Yes, there will be some who cannot take the extreme changes needed to become a superhero, but no pain no gain! 

For those who don’t make the grade, well you can’t have a weiner sizzle without burning some of your weiners! 

(? Kew, kew, kew, kew)

A Department of Energy official told me and Vakenews it is requesting public comment on its interpretation of the meaning of the term of high-level radioactive waste. They did not confirm reports the move would save $40 billion big ones, or whether the super heroes would have different super powers. However if you opt to get a heavily irradiated creature bite you chances are you’ll get their superhero powers.

Facilities mentioned in the superhero plans are the Savannah River Plant, South Carolina and the Idaho National Laboratory, according to the Associated Press. So get down there now before the queues start!

Tom Carpenter (not an original member of The Carpenters apparently), executive director of the Hanford Challenge nuclear watchdog, told the Associated Press the “cleanup of evil crime and Mexicans is at stake. This organization wants the authorities to get right up to their groins in superhero creation.”

Alex Smith, Program Manager of the State of Washington Department for Super Hero Creation, which is involved in the project, told the Associated Press: “They see it as a way to get the cleanup of crime done faster, in an exciting kick-ass way and less expensively.” 

Malcolm Grimston, an advocate for nuclear power and senior research fellow at the Centre for Energy Policy and Technology, Imperial College London, told Vakenews: “From an environmental point of view it’s a disaster, but for society it’s very exciting!” …or something like that… them limeys speak all funny! Not proper ‘merican.

Me, personally I think it’s great and those old Duke boys better watch out when I can punch straight through the Generals Lee’s roof and melt them with my eyes!

Rosco P Coltrane Signing off as I go get me some super powers down at the Savannah River Plant- Yee Haw I’m going to be a super fried!!


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