Disgusting bottom feeder. And a fish…
The shock revelation that heavy-weight Tory frontbencher Amber Rudd was actually named after a peculiarly coloured fish has been ringing around the hollowed walls of Westminster Palace since it was unearthed last Tuesday afternoon.
In an unprecedented move, her own parents Mr. & Mrs. George & Mildred Roper of Prestatyn, South Wales, called a press conference and revealed the origin of her name as being completely unrelated to their own. Mr. Roper went on to explain:
“When she was born… well, to be absolutely honest, she was a bit of a disappointment. We could tell immediately that she was a Tory. She was a particularly ugly child and my wife cried for weeks. But suddenly it dawned on us both at the same time…”
His wife added: “It was so apparent. We were looking down at this little tiny baby in my arms, trying to not throw up, when we realised that she looked just like a Rudd. An amber one at that. It was then that we realised we had an opportunity to disassociate ourselves from the child by making her identity different to that of our own.”
Mr Roper concluded “After she left home and went to University, she became a bloody politician and never came home. We count our blessings every day.”
When asked about when they expected to see their daughter again, Mr & Mrs Roper concluded:
“Were you listening to a word we said? It’s bad enough that we have to see her hideous face on TV from time to time. We hope to never see her in person again. She’s a complete and utter dickwad. “