‘Teen speak’ adopted in UK parliament in attempt to attract younger voters

Has anyone else got the munchies?

Bi’aaaatch be trippin’!”

Given the chaos that the British political system has hoisted upon itself with the entire Brexit fiasco over the past two years, there is a growing concern across all political parties that the already disenchanted British youth will be not be able to relate to or understand the relevance of politics to their everyday lives over the coming ten to twenty years.

In an attempt to stem this trend, Parliament has this week introduced a cross-party trial, attempting to incorporate as much ‘teen speak’ as possible into formal debate and parliamentary procedures, with the aim of raising interest from this section of society. This was introduced in Prime Ministers Questions on Tuesday. The first person to attempt to integrate the new lingo into the discussion was Jeremy Corbyn:

“And, Mr. Speaker, if the Prime Minister honestly believes that she is going to be able to get the latest amendment to the Brexit negotiations through this house, then she is sadly deluded. Bi’aaaatch be trippin’!

“…that Jeremy Corbyn… he’s, like, well rank!”

The next person to get involved was the speaker John Bercow, who, whilst at the same time as flossing, attempted to bring order to the house following a rather fractious exchange between Conservative backbenchers and the Shadow Home Secretary Dianne Abbott. She was struggling to be heard above their jeering and barracking, with Bercow declaring:

“Order! order! Might I remind my colleagues to the right of the house that they need to work harder at maintaining their decorum when it is the turn of the right honourable lady to speak. She will be heard! I would ask you to please hold your voices or mi wi cum up an box yuh ears yuh rasclart!”

“…mi wi cum up an box yuh ears yuh rasclart!”

Following PMQs, Prime Minister May held a Downing Street press conference to clarify her position on the latest proposed Brexit amendments, stating

“OMG! Did you see that Jeremy Corbyn? He’s, like, well rank. Don’t see what that ho Abbott ever saw in him. And he’s there like arsking me all these questions about stuff an’ all that, and I’m just like “yeah whatever Jezza!”, and he carries on arsking me these well bait questions, and then I’m all like up in his grill shouting “I’m not telling you mate, cos it’s well obvs – are you stupid or summink?”

It was not declared as to whether the trial will be continuing past this week, however when VakeNews enquired about this with the Downing Street Press Secretary, we were told “Duh! Yeah… whatever!”.

We are none the clearer.


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