Heather Mills believes News Group Media should be punished by making Rupert Murdoch marry her

In a landmark legal case, Heather Mills and her sister Fiona were today awarded with a “substantial sum” of money after settling their phone-hacking case against the News of the World.

The publisher offered Ms. Mills a “sincere apology”, following which she declared that she was overjoyed with the outcome of the case, given the damage that her reputation had suffered and the impact that this had had upon her charity work, which she doesn’t like to talk about as often as she can.

However, as the day progressed, further details emerged that have put the story in a slightly different light. Some of the pre-judgement court journals have been leaked to the press, which suggest that Ms. Mills may not be entirely happy with the settlement. In one leaked memo, it is allegedly stated that several weeks ago, Ms. Mills made an unprecedented plea to the judge that News Group owner Rupert Murdoch should be made to marry her as part of the company’s punishment.

The leaked document suggests that Ms. Mills and her lawyers were granted a private hearing with the judge, at which she smeared lipstick all over her lips, cheeks, ears and eyelids, and then looked provocatively over her specially designed school-teacher glasses, declaring:

“Mr. Murdoch has been a naughty boy. A very naughty boy. He needs to be punished. He needs a damn good botty smacking, and I know just the woman to give it to him. Me. Yes… that’s me…. just in case your not sure!”

The leaked memo goes on to claim that Ms. Mills made the following request.

“Rupie woopie needs to be taught a lesson that he will never forget. He shouldn’t just be given one good seeing-to, he should be given a lifetime of solid spankings. He should given the worst possible punishment known to man. He should be made to marry me; and then divorce me.”

The court journal allegedly concluded that the judge threw Ms. Mills and her legal team out of the private hearing, declaring:

“My God woman, have you no mercy? it is understandable that with your privacy having been repeatedly compromised and your reputation in tatters, you want justice to be served, but I wouldn’t make this sort of judgement to a serial murderer! I really don’t think you have a leg to stand on…”

Ms. Mill’s press team declined to make a statement about this accusation.

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